Noah’s Nightly Newsletter – 3/28/25

Hey everyone,

Noah here with your Friday night Newsletter!

We start tonight with this very unexpected news:

BREAKING: Elon Musk Has Sold X

Yes, it’s a merger of sorts and it’s not like Elon is gone, but I don’t think anyone saw that coming today!

Big win for xAI investors.

Then we have my favorite story of the day:

YES: Top Republicans Introduce Bill To ABOLISH The TSA!

I sure am going to miss getting a big old rub-down every time I fly….

Because of course it might be a giant bomb in my crotch and I’m not just happy to see you!  And of course you need to feel it over and over and over.

Look folks, these TSA employees are sick puppies and I hope all of them get fired!

That’s right, I said it.

They’re sick perverts, all they can do is steal our water bottles, confiscate our cosmetics, grope our genitals, and make us late for our flights.

FIRE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

Then we have this:

Law Firm Surrenders: President Trump Strikes $100M Deal with Skadden to Dodge Executive Order

Exactly how much money are you printing when your settlement can be $100 million?

Oh my!

I absolutely love this next one:

BREAKING: USAID is Shut Down, It’s Over

Just one question…..

Why did they make their door handles look like a penis?

Really?

That’s the shape you chose for your door handles?

The gold story continues to get VERY interesting:

BREAKING GOLD BOMBSHELL: Goldman Sachs Naked Shorting News Skyrockets Gold To Another All-Time High, Sending Shockwaves Through The Markets!

And look who’s back:

Judge Boasberg Doubles Down, EXTENDS Block On Alien Enemies Act Deportations

Of course Tim Walz thinks we need a Shadow Government:

Tim Walz: “I Think We Need a Shadow Government”

Can you imagine actually thinking this is a good idea?

These people are not mentally well.

Big update on the upcoming DOGE Dividend checks:

$5K DOGE ‘Dividend’ Checks: Update & Potential Timeline Per Trump Administration & The Plans’ Architect

Love this:

Famous Illegal Immigrant TikTok Influencer DEPORTED! Has Mid-Flight Meltdown

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

And what do we have here….

The NBA is rigged?

So says it’s top star:

LeBron James Admits The NBA Is Rigged?

And we end with our top story….

Read this before it’s too late:

READ THIS Before The Bank Bail-ins Hit!

Your friend,

NOAH

p.s.

Did you know the White House has declared our Electrical Grid “unreliable”?

Did you also know an EMP is the one threat that could send us back to the Dark Ages literally overnight?

See it here.

It’s not all doom and gloom, there is something you can do to make sure you and your family are protected and safe.

Read here — I promise you, you’ll be glad you did:

White House Declares Electrical Grid “Unreliable”